Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
