I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
