Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
