im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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