ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
