yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
