did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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