I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
