grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and she was petting her beer can
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
