It's like a parade of train wrecks.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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