It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
