I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
