Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Let's get the cat blown out
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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