Your face is a jimmy john
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
