I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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