I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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