I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
false alarm. still invincible.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize