Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize