I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
