Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
