Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
