Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
