a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I FOUND THE LEGS
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
