have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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