Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
