I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I will be naked everywhere
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
