I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
