Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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