And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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