After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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