Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Alive.
So much puke
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
