ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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