WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
