For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
