I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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