Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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