you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize