did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
