Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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