butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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