it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
