Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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