he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
