So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
