worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
