awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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