Welp...herpes.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
