I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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