do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
