and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
