I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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