i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
