just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
honey bunches of taint.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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