I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
