Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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