I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
