a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
