yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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