I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
