Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
