Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
