Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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