Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
