Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
