she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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