FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
