From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
