my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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